Summer sucks. It's way too hot, it's way too humid and let's face it, the sun is too damn nice. Grow a back bone, Sun.
As you attempt to get from air conditioned room to air conditioned room on your summer adventures, keep the following five introverted tips in the back of your mind. These are basically my trade secrets, and they keep me from uncontrollably blushing all over myself.
5. Get a Pet
By owning a pet, you can actually stay at home and talk to people without getting out and talking to people. These miniature forms of people have better manners too. They don't cough on you, they'll listen to your folk music without calling you a hipster and they're surprisingly good bowlers. The only downside is they puke and poop a lot, which, if you've ever been to a washroom in a subway station, you know people-people do plenty of themselves.
4. Start a Project
Despite not having seen the sunlight in 23 days, it's impossible to hate yourself when you've got this cool new hand knit tank top made from home farmed cat hair!
3. Take a Stay-Cation In The Truest Sense Of The Word
Stay. Don't leave your home. Just stay. Don't leave your room. Just stay. Don't leave Tumblr. JUST STAY. An investment in a bedpan is an investment in your stay-cation. An investment that can be passed down from generation to generation.
2. Start Taking Vitamin-D
This daily dose will allow your body to soak up all the rays of sunlight that you've only been getting through re-pinning your friend's Hawaiian vacation photos (to your "<3 x.o. Maybe If I Save Up For 7 Years Straight, Or Have A Wealthy Benefactor I Don't Know About x.o <3" board) on Pinterest.
1. Buy A Pair of At-Home Only Booty Shorts
They keep you cool while looking as cool as you can humanly achieve (without riding a bicycle in a sun dress). You won't have to feel anxious about exposing all that awesome booty to the general public. They can't handle it yet. Just keep it as your little at-home, leg-alicious secret. If you're anything like me, exposing over 30cm of skin outside your home will induce cold sweats and panic attacks anyway.
