This is just a blog on my personal beauty journey, and not social commentary on beauty standards for women because I could just go on and on about that, but I won't today. I wrote two other pieces on my fashion journey and my hair journey, so this is my little way of "rounding out the series."
When I started making notes for this piece, I considered my journey starting around 13 or 14 years old when I started wearing make up and plucking my eyebrows. Truth be told, I consider applying nail polish to be a part of my beauty regimen, and I likely started playing around with nail colour when I was 8 or 9. That's so young, isn't it!? I surprised myself when I realized I've been playing around with beauty and possibly feeling self conscious about baring natural flesh since before I was a decade old.
Now, I wouldn't necessarily say I was self conscious at that point, or at least aware of it, and that's because I hardly remember what my opinions on make up and fashion were back then. I'm sure if I did, they wouldn't be opinions that really bring something to the table anyway.
Instead I want to start this story from the 13 or 14 year old perspective. I remember feeling a lot of pressure, mostly put on by myself, but encouraged by my peers, magazines, and media in general. I remember feeling this impossible task of plucking my eyebrows, shaving my legs and applying just enough make up, without going overboard. I needed to perfect everything on the first go, otherwise everyone will think I'm an idiot, or a slut or worst of all, ugly. Needless to say, I over plucked, I constantly cut my legs while shaving, and my make up application was not very skilled. I still felt that pressure though, and felt like my worth resided in my beauty, or lack thereof.
When I got into the later years of high school, I really started liking back eye shadow and heavy eyeliner (on the bottom only as I didn't know how to apply it on my top lash line at the time). There was something pretty freeing about putting too much make up on and not giving a damn. That was the point where I started gaining confidence in my personal beauty style, and not caring about what everyone else might think. That's really a quality I try to hold true today.
When I got to college, I sort of tuned down my make up. I wouldn't say I was experimenting with my techniques in anyway and I can't say I remember thinking about beauty a lot at that point. I just remember starting to find colour fun, and enjoying the process of changing things up a lot. Since I don't have much to say, I will tell you that my favourite nail polish colour at the time was chocolate brown. I still love the colour as I think it's just really unique.
After I graduated, and got an office job, I knew I needed to tone down the intensity, and keep things professional. I still wore bold colours on my nails, and decided to try to learn how to apply eye liner. This is a process that I'm still working on, but am really glad I took a leap and made it work. I was at a stage where I was really keen on learning new application techniques, and YouTube definitely helped me on my way.
Now I am at a really fun and experimental point. I play around with my eye liner thicknesses, and I play around with colour - not only on my eyes, but even lipsticks now! I'm a really big fan of playing up the eyes with smokiness or with vibrancy, but now I am also a fan of playing down the eyes, and playing up the lips. I think subtle colour, with voluminous eye lashes and with bright lips. This makes for such a cute, feminine look.
I think, like every woman, I still feel some pressure to constantly look my best. I need to always go out with make up, I always feel insecure when a zit pops up onto my face, and I always feel I could look better. These days, that's just a tiny voice that's easy to dismiss, but it's fairly sad all the same. These days, I mostly focus on beauty because it's fun, because I can play around with colours I love, and because it's something fun I for myself.
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