Top 5 Weird Public Transit Moments- #4 The Boy With His Gum

There comes a point in every human’s existence where you question the sanity of a seemingly normal, but perhaps flavourful, individual deliberately committing a ridiculous act. This story is my very real observation of a flavourful individual who I have since deemed sane, but a functioning idiot.

     I hopped on the bus on my way home from work. I sat in one of the last pair of free seats in the back, and happened to be sitting behind a teenage rebel. I’m going to describe him, even though I’m sure you’ve seen the type before. He wore his hat backwards, he smelled much too strongly of cologne, and he reeked of self admiration. I could tell he kissed at himself in the mirror, flexed as he hit on his own reflection, and was never sad about being alone since it would leave him in his favourite company.

      This guy, for my entire ride of 15 minutes, chatted on the phone with his buddy very, very loudly about having sex with girls and treating women like objects. I remember looking around hoping someone else would catch my eye and be like, “is he serious? Let’s connect about how awful this guy is and become best friends!” Alas, that never happened. Nobody seemed to be as furrowed browed and fist clenchingly upset as I was.

     Then a weird thing happened. This fresh faced misogynist finished his conversation, hung up his phone, then reached into his mouth and pulled out his gum. Like I said, this is a bus. There’s no garbage, and this was the kind of person who doesn’t think twice about destroying public property with his mouth sludge.  That’s why he held out his arm, and without even looking, he dropped the gum onto the center of the empty seat beside him!

      My mouth literally dropped. I couldn’t believe the audacity of someone to purposefully ruin a bus seat and potentially ruin the seat of someone’s hard earned apparel. Clearly this boy never learned about respect, the annoyance of getting gum on your clothes, or the repercussions being a total douche bag can have on your education, career, friendships, romances, and future overall. Although maybe he’ll be utterly happy living in his parents’ basement for the rest of his life, making kissing faces while flexing into a mirror.

     Personally, I like to imagine that somewhere out there, all of the ladies’ pants and skirts grew into one mega gum stained monster and are eating his misogynistic, overly scented hat as I write this.