Top 5 Fashion Pet Peeves- #2: Potato Sack Dresses

There is nothing that makes me more uncomfortable than boxy, potato sack-like dresses. Sometimes I see women who put a belt on with it, and it makes it look awesome! My pet peeve is the woman who leaves it as a big, boxy blob.

      Skin tight dresses can be equally unflattering, but imagine you bought that simple dress and accessorized it to delicately emphasize your womanly figure. Gurl, you would look smashing! It’s honestly a hipster trend, and like any other hipster trend, I don’t understand it.

      I want to sit down with a hipster and wrack their brain. I need to know the inner workings of how that piece of unremarkable cloth makes it from Urban Outfitters, to their bedroom, to their body.

      I know when I go dress shopping, I try on a lot of things, there’s a lot of frustrated glares at my wiggly bits, followed by a pep talk about how curvaceous I am, followed by me leaving the store with a new awkwardly sassy stride. Once I try something on that hides all the right parts and flaunts all the other parts, I get really excited, grin stupidly at myself (sometimes posing in the mirror) then buy it casually like it’s no big deal and like I wasn’t at the mall for eight hours.

      Is it the same process for the women who buy the potato sacks? Do they grab the billowiest article they can find, go into the change room and glare at themselves if it flaunts too much of their natural form? Do they make their way to the next hipster haven and try, try, try things on? When they do find something they like, do they wink at themselves behind their big fake plastic glasses and buy the dress pretending like it’s not a big deal for them? Do they then go outside, put on their newly purchased garment, pulling out the sides of the dress like wings and then fly home? I’d like to think so.

     Urban Outfitters should have a sale where when you buy a dress like a potato sack, you also get some actual potatoes to go with it. You know, for dinner. I think hipsters would really appreciate that too since so many of them are baristas and likely can’t splurge on fine dining.