Top 5 Fashion Pet Peeves- #1: Tights as Pants

Tights are not pants! They are a thinner fabric and because of that, I can see all of your crevices. Now, I’m not saying that there is something wrong with cellulite, because I don’t subscribe (to the best of my ability) to the pressures of society’s “normal” beauty. Ladies, Gentlemen, we are all beautiful, and unique, and spectacular forms of the human flesh. What I do mean, is that when people wear tights as pants, it leaves nothing to the imagination. I can also sometimes see your underwear through it and it makes me uncomfortable.

      Tights are not pants! Tights are designed to be like panty hose, but without that annoying under the toenail thing they do. I mean, don’t take my word for that as I haven’t done any official investigations, but the signs are obvious. That means that you should always wear your tights with a dress just like you would if you wore panty hose.

     Tights are not pants! They are also not yoga pants, tight sweat pants, or your skin. Let’s leave it that way.

     Tights are not pants! I recently saw a thing online about a “trend” happening in Japan where they put panty hose on their dog’s legs so they look like little people. It was creepy. How about we all agree not to do that too? Okay, good, thanks.

      Tights are not pants! I’ve sort have run out of things to say because this topic is just too plain and simple.

     TIGHTS ARE NOT PANTS.

Top 5 Weird Public Transit Moments- #2: The Prowler In The Night

 Last January, I was working two jobs. I had a full-time contract position doing administrative work as well as a part time position at a movie theatre. A lot of late nights I would come home after working both jobs and wait in a freezing (literally) subway station for my bus to arrive and complete my trip. In case you don’t feel sympathy for past me, try working 12 hours, getting 3 hours of sleep, and doing it again the next day. Then do that for six months and tell me how you feel.

     I learned helpful things like crossing your legs helps preserve your warmth, and most of the time waiting at a subway station at 2:30 in the morning is scarier than a zombie clown with rabies and chlamydia. I’m a on the shorter, weaker side of things and I couldn’t help play the worst case scenario game every time I was waiting there. What else are you going to do for half an hour of waiting? What else is going to keep you awake?  How can you think about normal things when you’re slowly going mad with sleep deprivation?

      This particular January night, I was waiting alone, again, on a corner of a t-shaped area. If you’re confused, imagine Jesus’ cross. I would be standing on his left armpit. Sometimes I would get questionable looks from people because I looked like I was looming and peering at them, but in this spot I had a mirror that I could look into and see who was walking up behind me! It was the only defense I had!

      Two women walked by me this night and gave me that same questionable look. I felt bad because I knew I might look creepy, but I really wasn’t going to do anything about it. I accepted this look, and went back to listening to music.

      Then I noticed a guy making t-shaped circles through the area, and then those two women began to make circles as well. They still looked weirded out, but this time not at me. A few minutes go by of this and a strange man approaches me. He’s clearly drunk, but he only asks for the time so I tell him.

      Then he asks me for a hug. I say no. He starts insisting and as he stretches his arms out, he begins approaching me. I totally freeze. I’m trying to think of how to get out of this situation like a lady, but as it’s 2:30 and I just worked 12 hours in a row. I’m completely brain dead.

      Suddenly the two women came to my rescue. It was like I was in a movie! They said to me, “Hey, do you want to go for a walk?” I said yes, and they took me up to one of the bus platforms.

      Despite being almost a human popsicle at this point I was happy to not be around Mr. Free Hugs. Then they start telling me about how he and his friend, who happened to be the guy pacing in circles, where double team harassing them. They told me that it got really intense and they told a TTC employee, but they ran off (to harass me).

     I know what you’re thinking, “If there’s two of them, then why did only one approach you?” Exactly. I can’t help but think about how Mr. Free Hugs distracted me from my view of the self defense mirror so his bubby, Circles McGee could drag me off from behind into the night.

      I am no longer working two jobs, and from this experience alone, I know I will never again do it.  I will also never choose a job that makes me travel home from 1-3 am. It’s obvious that I suggest you do the same.